"Oh, this is your first time here! Do you mind if I tell you a little about us?"
This is our routine with all customers:
Customer new? -----No-----> "Welcome back!"
|
Yes ----->"Can I tell you a little about us?"
Me: "Well, we've been here for 7 years. We're very pleasure and education oriented, so everyone who works here is a sex educator--"
Customer: "Sex educator? Can you teach me some rope ties to use on people?"
Me: "Oh, um... yes. But if you're really interested in rope bondage techniques I'd recommend <walking to bookshelf> these boo--"
Customer: "Oh, if you're just going to sell me some books, forget it! I probably have them already. I thought you said you were a sex educator and could teach me."
Me: "Well, I can. However, we don't have any rope here at the moment.
<pause>
Me: "So, we're also the only shop in NM that exclusively sells non-toxic sex toys--"
Customer: "Yeah? Well that's what they say up the street too!"
<Referring to our nearest competitor, a chain megastore that our customers frequently complain about>
Me: "Really? Ah... so all the toys that are made with cancer causing ingredients, we don't carry here..."
Customer: "What do you have in glass?"
Me: "Our glass section is down here."
Customer: "OmiGOD! Those are so expensive! I have a friend, he works with glass, so he has all this left over glass all the time. He could make me anything I want for, like, $5."
Me: "Sounds like a great friend. Yes, glass is a nice material."
Customer: "All this stuff is so overpriced! I mean, look at that! You don't think it cost that much to make it, do you?"
Me: "Well, I guess that's where the retail factor comes in."
Customer: "Yes, Doll. But really. These prices are ridiculous. Oh, what's--?"
Me: "Oh, that's a head tingler. You push it up and down on your head--"
Customer: "I know what it is! Though, that's not what I'd use it for! I'd use it on my breasts!" <customer pushes it on and off small protrusions from her shirt> "I was asking, how much is it?"
Me: "Oh, sorry. It's just on the packaging here..."
Customer: "Cuz it isn't marked on this thing!"
Me: "Yes, I see, but here's the price, $12.95."
Customer: "Well, really, I already have something like it at home."
.....
Customer: "Ha! I have to get these! They glow in the dark!"
The customer puts a package of glow in the dark cock rings on the counter.
Me: "Are you all set? Is this all?"
Customer: "Yeah, although I could spend a lot of time in here!"
Me: "And have you used a cock ring before?"
<Customer gives me an incredulous look>
Customer: "Ah, yeah."
Me: "Oh, okay. I was just making sure that you didn't need me to print you our guide to cock rings. And you have a good lube at home you can use with this? Okay, so your total is $9.98. Great, can I see your ID with your credit card?"
<While handing me ID>
Customer: "Oh honestly, Doll, if I was going to commit fraud don't you think I'd do it for more than 10 bucks?"
<I see that the names and picture match, John F. Dozetos.*>
Me: "Well, I just had to make sure you're over 18!"
Customer: "Oh, now your playing at flattery!" <Customer appears flattered>
Me: "Okay, here's your package. I put a cleaning guide in there in case you need to know how to take care of your new friends. And here's your receipt, Sir."
Customer: "Actually, it's Ma'am."
Me: "Oh, I'm SO sorry. Ma'am, of course."
Calling her "Sir" really just slipped out, I knew it was wrong when I heard myself say it. I was probably affected by the misogyny dripping off of her. Tit for tat is not part of retail, especially in a store that prides itself on being trans friendly; but since I made the mistake, I figure it was only fair since she had mistaken my name for "Doll".
*Name changed, of course.
This is our routine with all customers:
Customer new? -----No-----> "Welcome back!"
|
Yes ----->"Can I tell you a little about us?"
Me: "Well, we've been here for 7 years. We're very pleasure and education oriented, so everyone who works here is a sex educator--"
Customer: "Sex educator? Can you teach me some rope ties to use on people?"
Me: "Oh, um... yes. But if you're really interested in rope bondage techniques I'd recommend <walking to bookshelf> these boo--"
Customer: "Oh, if you're just going to sell me some books, forget it! I probably have them already. I thought you said you were a sex educator and could teach me."
Me: "Well, I can. However, we don't have any rope here at the moment.
<pause>
Me: "So, we're also the only shop in NM that exclusively sells non-toxic sex toys--"
Customer: "Yeah? Well that's what they say up the street too!"
<Referring to our nearest competitor, a chain megastore that our customers frequently complain about>
Me: "Really? Ah... so all the toys that are made with cancer causing ingredients, we don't carry here..."
Customer: "What do you have in glass?"
Me: "Our glass section is down here."
Customer: "OmiGOD! Those are so expensive! I have a friend, he works with glass, so he has all this left over glass all the time. He could make me anything I want for, like, $5."
Me: "Sounds like a great friend. Yes, glass is a nice material."
Customer: "All this stuff is so overpriced! I mean, look at that! You don't think it cost that much to make it, do you?"
Me: "Well, I guess that's where the retail factor comes in."
Customer: "Yes, Doll. But really. These prices are ridiculous. Oh, what's--?"
Me: "Oh, that's a head tingler. You push it up and down on your head--"
Customer: "I know what it is! Though, that's not what I'd use it for! I'd use it on my breasts!" <customer pushes it on and off small protrusions from her shirt> "I was asking, how much is it?"
Me: "Oh, sorry. It's just on the packaging here..."
Customer: "Cuz it isn't marked on this thing!"
Me: "Yes, I see, but here's the price, $12.95."
Customer: "Well, really, I already have something like it at home."
.....
Customer: "Ha! I have to get these! They glow in the dark!"
The customer puts a package of glow in the dark cock rings on the counter.
Me: "Are you all set? Is this all?"
Customer: "Yeah, although I could spend a lot of time in here!"
Me: "And have you used a cock ring before?"
<Customer gives me an incredulous look>
Customer: "Ah, yeah."
Me: "Oh, okay. I was just making sure that you didn't need me to print you our guide to cock rings. And you have a good lube at home you can use with this? Okay, so your total is $9.98. Great, can I see your ID with your credit card?"
<While handing me ID>
Customer: "Oh honestly, Doll, if I was going to commit fraud don't you think I'd do it for more than 10 bucks?"
<I see that the names and picture match, John F. Dozetos.*>
Me: "Well, I just had to make sure you're over 18!"
Customer: "Oh, now your playing at flattery!" <Customer appears flattered>
Me: "Okay, here's your package. I put a cleaning guide in there in case you need to know how to take care of your new friends. And here's your receipt, Sir."
Customer: "Actually, it's Ma'am."
Me: "Oh, I'm SO sorry. Ma'am, of course."
Calling her "Sir" really just slipped out, I knew it was wrong when I heard myself say it. I was probably affected by the misogyny dripping off of her. Tit for tat is not part of retail, especially in a store that prides itself on being trans friendly; but since I made the mistake, I figure it was only fair since she had mistaken my name for "Doll".
*Name changed, of course.
