Friday, July 15, 2011

Women Can Creep Too

In conversation with a male friend of mine, he shared with me these creepy stories of experiences he's had with women.  He graciously agreed that I could share them with you all.

#1  Date Scalpers
"I was contacted by someone on Plenty of Fish.  A couple of emails and a brief phone conversation, and we decided to meet for a drink.  I have a rule about first-dates.  They should be "dutch".  It is a huge peeve with me that so many women out there seem to believe that a dating should be a free coffee/drink/dinner/movie.  Bad on me for not bringing it up before that evening, because this one didn't even bring her wallet along.  What a disaster - her photo on PoF was *significantly* out of date.  Found we had nothing at all to talk about.  Let alone the fact that she spent as much time there talking with her various friends than sitting with me.  I obviously got stuck with the tab.  I had also agreed to pick her up - which meant driving all the way across town.  The drive back to her place was pretty quiet.  I really had nothing left to say.  Drop her off - and I'd driven about 3 blocks when the phone rang.  It was her.

Me:  "Hello?"
Her:  "Where are you?"
Me:  "I'm driving home"
Her:  "Why?"
Me:  "Uh - I just dropped you off?"
Her:  "Oh..."
Me:  "Obviously you meant to dial someone else.  Have fun on your next date tonight.  And please don't call me again"

Date-scalpers.  Hate that."

My dear people, if you find a date isn't going so well, try very hard to be a kind and tactful person.  This may include letting the date run its course while you try very hard not to yawn in the middle of the other person's stories.  This may include telling your date that you're not feeling a connection and you appreciate their time but you're going to go home.  This can not include ignoring your date and talking to your friends instead.

I also agree with my friend, first dates should be dutch.  This allows everyone to be independent, self reliant, feel free to choose whatever course of action during the date feels right...  In other words, there's no tacit coercion from the one who paid that the other now owes something, there's no tacit coercion from the other that there's something wrong with the date or the people involved if the payer doesn't want to pay for everything, self-reliance and independence is sexy and sane.   

Oh, and please, don't call your most recent, bombed date when you mean to call someone else.

#2  If You NEED to Date... You're Not In a Good Place to Date.
"I went out with a woman three times back in December.  Met once for coffee.  A movie.  Then she made me dinner, which was actually quite good.
Following the dinner she emailed, telling me that if we were to go out again, she couldn't help but "develop deeper feelings", and couldn't see me again unless I reciprocated those feelings. 
Third date?  While I was thinking, "But you don't even know me...", I responded that though I had enjoyed her company, [fill-in general "I don't think so" terms.....]

This week (six months later) I received an email from her:
"I'm not a freak anymore if you would want to try hanging out again. I won't make the same mistakes."

More desperate and sad than creepy, but creepy nonetheless..."

Well, I guess men and women (and potentially transpeople) do it -come on too strong that is.  The thing that strikes me about these stories is that the woman in each case was creepy about something having to do with mental or emotional connection.  Most of the stories I've shared about interactions with men, have them being creepy in matters of physical connection -i.e. sex/sexual conquest/the body as object or possession.  Several anecdotal stories does not make research, but I would fathom from generalities we have about the sexes, that this kind of split is common. 

What also interests me is what is the same about these stories of women and stories I've shared about men.  In nearly each case the creepitude comes about when one person is trying to use or make another person fulfill his/her needs.  Needs: powerful buggers.